7 Things I Don’t Want To Hear From A Doctor

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I dislike going to the doctor. I have a bad case of white coat syndrome, when I see a doctor or even just step foot into a medical facility my heart starts to beat like it’s about to come out of my chest and I start to think about all the ailments I could have.

What’s it called when you think you have everything? Hypochondria? Oh good lord, I think I have that.

These are some reasons I don’t like going to the doctor because I’m afraid that one of these will come out of the doctor’s mouth.

1. I’ve Never Seen That Before – You go see a doctor because you’re concerned about something with your body and you want an expert to guide you back to health.

When they tell you they don’t know how to fix your ailment you’re concerned, but when they’ve never seen your ailment you’ve got a real problem. What is wrong with me?

2. You’ve got 24 hours to live and I forgot to call you yesterday – Really? Come on! Give your head a shake.

3. Anything that it’s obvious they need to do too – When a 400lbs doctor tells you that you need to lose a few pounds, or you pass your doctor chain smoking on the way in and then he tells you that you need to quit smoking, it puts a seed of doubt in your mind about anything they tell you from there on out.

It’s like the mechanic that drives the car that looks like it could fall apart any second. Either he’s the best mechanic ever because he can keep it running or he’s only certified to work on that 1985 Yugo he’s been cruising around in.

Either your doctor is a super human or needs to take their own advice.

4. You should be fine – I didn’t come see you for just the atmosphere in your office. There is something legitimately wrong with me. Either drop the “should” or fix me. And if you tell me to walk it off I’m going to punch you in the throat. Dude! There’s something sticking out the side of my leg.

5. Sorry it’s my first day – Every doctor has to have a first day, but if they want to lance that boil on your back it might be a good idea to get a second opinion…or wait a couple weeks.

6. How was your 40th birthday? – I just turned 30, why did you ask about my 40th birthday? It’s not good when your doctor thinks you’re older than you actually are.

Some causes of this could be high blood pressure, low sperm count or a prostate the size of softball. Any way you look at it, you’re going to have to make some changes.

7. You were actually dead for 9 seconds – I knew a guy that was told by a doctor that he was actually dead for a few seconds. He claims that his fear of needles caused him to, well die I guess, when he saw how big the needle was that the nurse was about to give him.

When he came to there were two ambulance attendants at the foot of his bed with a sheet of paper showing how long he flat lined. They were hanging around to see if it would happen again when the nurse came back with the needle.

What’s something you don’t want to hear from your doctor?

 

 

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