8 New Year’s Resolutions I Should Have Made

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In the spirit of the new year and making resolutions, here are 8 resolutions I should have made this year.

Stop watching stupid TV shows like “Days of Our Lives” – A couple years ago I quit watching crime solving dramas because I was constantly afraid that I was going to get jumped by a masked person that I didn’t even realize that I had wronged, but they held me responsible for something terrible that happened to them.

So naturally that left a hole in my television viewing schedule behind Sportscentre, whatever is on ABC Spark and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. What did I fill that hole with. Soaps.

Stop taking pills just because they look like candy – They taste so good with that special coating on them, but I’m starting to think that my mix of pills is off. I can’t quite find the proper balance between uppers, downers and my prostate health.

Take up a new hobby, like smoking – I don’t want to go full steam ahead into smoking so I’ll ease my way in starting with one of those electronic cigarettes.

Alright, maybe taking up smoking isn’t the best hobby, but taking up a new hobby isn’t a bad idea for a resolution.

Competitive dog grooming, Extreme Ironing and collecting airsick bags (unspoiled only) have all made the short list.

I will stop crying whilst watching Oprah reruns – She has given us so much and deserves time to herself now, but why couldn’t she have stayed on the air just a little while longer? I still have so many questions she never answered.

Stop calling Wii Bowling a workout – If I want to consider playing Wii a workout I have to play Wii Tennis too. It counts as my cardio workout.

Get my money back for that DVD Rewinder I bought – I should have known better. The same person tried to sell me a board stretcher and a gallon of checker board paint.

Stop Lying – I’m a compulsive liar. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I notice the little smirk on my face.

Master an Australian accent – I’ve always thought it would be cool to have an accent. It doesn’t have to be Australian. English or Southern would be fine too.

It might actually be in my best interest to move somewhere foreign where I already speak differently. I fear my attempts at mastering an accent would only end up offending someone.

What resolution should you have made?

 

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