If I Were A Fortune Cookie Writer

Photo Courtesy of Flickr

This past summer I went out for Chinese food to celebrate my cousin Tyler’s birthday. My fortune cookie at the end of the meal read “You have the power to write your own fortune”. So I thought that I’d give it a try.

Here are 25 fortunes I would be pleased to see in a fortune cookie and a thought about each of them.

1. Never give into peer pressure, unless I tell you to – I’ll always tell you to.

2. The end is near…and it’s all your fault – Bet you can’t prove it.

3. Don’t look now but the girl behind you is checking you out – You know I’m going to look right now.

4. The road to riches is paved with bad meals – This one was top of the list.

5. Please try again – Just like Roll Up The Rim.

6. Tomorrow isn’t looking any better for you – If you’re like the weather guy, you’re 100% wrong.

7. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese – Words to live by.

8. We’ve updated our privacy policy – Should I share this on Facebook?

9. Wanted: Fortune Writers – Wanted: Fortune.

10. That wasn’t chicken – Looked like it, smelled like it, tasted like it. So what was it?

11. cixelsyd er’uoy ,siht daer nac uoy fI (If you can read this, you’re dyslexic) – I can only read part of it. That was close.

12. Stop adjusting yourself in public – I can’t help it.

13. Product of Canada – It’s just a label.

14. There’s no such thing as Chinese food in China – They just call it food.

15. Warning: Do not eat your fortune – If I was that type of person it’s probably too late already.

16. You are a very impotent man – Is that a spelling mistake?

17. Good things come to those who wait – Sound advice.

18. Good things come to those who go after it – Didn’t I have the opposite fortune last time?

19. You’re totally going to blow your presentation today – I thought that was tomorrow.

20. I forgot to wash my hands – Is that the secret to the secret sauce?

21. Never trust someone who drives a Prius – What are they trying to prove?

22. You will soon have a brilliant idea, but making fortune cookies isn’t it, that was mine – I swear I thought of that first.

23. Starting tomorrow no more procrastinating – It’s good to set future goals.

24. Don’t worry about the stock market, you’re screwed no matter what you do – Is buy low, sell high or the other way?

25. If you think reading a message in a cookie will bring you good fortune, think again – You’re right. I should try the lottery instead.

What fortune would you like to see in a fortune cookie?

Tags: , , ,

Subscribe To Receive New Posts!

Make Tuesdays and Thursdays your favorites! New posts sent directly to you.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply