This Christmas My Wish is For This…To Not Happen Again

Photo Courtesy of Flickr

Christmas Day 2011 I was at a family dinner. Where it gets weird is when my great aunt’s friend Steve asked me to join him in the washroom. This wasn’t a large washroom either, definitely made for just one person.

It all started innocently, my cousin and I were talking with our Aunt Donna and Steve, the conversation came to an end and I excused myself from the table. From there Steve approached me and asked if I would come with him. I assumed it was a continuation of a previous conversation, I wasn’t even close.

I don’t know Steve that well, I’ve met him a number of times now but have never really connected with him on a personal level. My fondest memory of him is a story my Grandpa told me about how Steve keeps a tray of candy under the couch and just slides it out when he needs it. He doesn’t even have to sit up. Genius.

So Steve says “come with me a second” and blindly I follow him into the washroom. He closes the door behind us and locks it. Also noteworthy is that this washroom is mere steps from where everyone else was, there is no way someone didn’t see us go in there.

I’m starting to panic a bit now. What problem does this guy have that would require me to be locked in a bathroom with him when there are nurses, a dental hygienist, a surgeon’s assistant, an X-ray tech and multiple farmers in the building? I just crack jokes, I don’t know what that growth is.

He starts out telling me that his late wife showed him this trick to cover up some dark spots on his face. Then out of his pocket he pulls a tube of natural colored lipstick and tells me that he thought I might like to try it on my birthmark. That it might be nice for special occasions.

I must have hesitated because he encouraged me to try it. So I humored him and tried it on a small spot on my birthmark. He had a new tube at home so I now own a partially used tube of natural colored lipstick.

My favorite part though is the exit. We can’t walk out together, because that would be stupid. So he tells me to go out first because he actually has to go to the washroom. Astonishingly nobody seemed to notice anything that happened. Crisis averted.

Fast forward to Christmas Day 2012. It’s like a bad case of deja vu. We’re at the same location, I get up from a conversation, where I’d been avoiding eye contact with Steve just in case, but wouldn’t you know it he approaches me. “Come with me a second” he says and like a fool I follow him into the bathroom again.

I’m thinking there’s no way this is happening again, it has to be something else, but he starts into the same conversation from a year before. I stopped him a few lines in and told him that we had this conversation a year earlier and thanked him for the new tube of lipstick.

Upon our exit this time my cousin John spotted us and had a good laugh when I explained to him what was going on.

Christmas is tomorrow and all I’m asking for is to not be asked to follow an elderly man into the washroom. No matter what the reason, it’s someone else’s turn.

What’s your most awkward family Christmas moment?


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